Just Keep on Trying, Keep on Flying

5/3/2025

I feel fine more than usual.

Earlier this week I went to go see the 20th anniversary release of Revenge of the Sith in theaters. This is probably the third or whichever time in recent memory I've seen it. I saw it for the first time in theaters when I was a tiny kiddo together with my gramps and a couple times on TV or in VR Chat since; most recently last year with my bf when we binged all the movies. It was incredible and it continues to be awe-inspiring with the worldbuilding and scenic shots. Man, the worldbuilding was utterly knocked out of the ballpark. I couldn't help but visualize it in my head, writing-wise, how I could accomplish that in my own writing. The movie was a total spectacle but it's too much of a shame they didn't show the director's cut with at least some of the deleted scenes. Of course, the dialogue is still stilted in some regards but it truly does hold up well. It was Star Wars at its peak. I watched the original trilogy first on I think VHS or DVD before 2005 so I loved those just as much as I loved the preuqle trilogy. 2 and 3 have a special place in my heart. Space politics is cool!

Right after the movie I went on over to the nearby supermarket and bought a number of things for myself: I'm trying to squeeze out what I can with my budget so I have to forgo doordashing as much as I can. However, it if fast approaching 100F/40C here so I can't afford to be out as much until, like, October, or if last year was any painful indication until mid November.

One of the items I picked out was some dietary supplements. I discovered one that claims to help with stress & anxiety, memory focus among other things(amusingly, "sexual function" was one of them...). I have a lot of stress and anxiety that border on daily intrusive thoughts everyday for maybe the last decade or so, so I figured I'd give them a try. It recommended two gummies daily and I've been taking them since Wednesday or so.

So far, I think they work. But it could very well be a placebo. The intrustive thoughts aren't as common nor violent and I find myself more at peace and with a somewhat clearer head. I no longer find myself taking constant deep breaths to sooth the mental anguish as much. I'll continue to take them and most likely will buy more. They're awfully cheap to buy in store too, thoughbeit the impending summer heat is going to make it exceedingly difficult to get more before November at least.

The supplements in question are Force Factor: Amazing Ashwa. Here's its Amazon page and you could likely find them in most supermarkets or drugstores.

I took a chance and took one gummy before work and I didn't feel as dreaded as usual. In fact, I was felt a sense of productivity. I also decided to quit coffee and only enjoy one or two cappuccinos at work. I'm thinking of switching over to herbal tea. Cold turkeying it(coffee) will be tough since I was hooked on it at a relatively young age. Similarly, I'm trying to tone down using my vape as much.

Now, it isn't a wonder herbal drug by any means. It's not like it will magically just save me from a 'me after a minor inconvenience' episode. Intense anxiety still slips through the cracks from what I experienced so far. But it's proving its worth so far compared to something like herbal tea or vaping; even edibles. Edibles are nice but no substitute for the supplement stuff, it's just to have a good trip time to time (except for anxiety getting really pronounced during some episodes—I wish I could say they're rare and it just varies).

So, moving on: I didn't play much games since last entry. I did play SF4 the other day with friends after VRC Mahjong ended. It was fun. Chun Li is probably my favorite character.

Anyhow, anime.

Gee, I wonder how Shiiko found out Machu was the pilot...

A couple of interesting things this episode. It seems the staff does their homework and knows who and when to introduce a OTL character. When we first meet Mask Om, he seemed overly familiar with me and it wasn't until later I discovered he's the one who appears in the TV series to give Amuro the magnetic coating, and this confirms the coating technology simply wasn't invented until 0085/0084. It's funny in this context because Maskd dismisses grandpa Gundam—the very thing that singlehandedly made him famous OTL.

This scene actually parallels War in the Pocket when Chris remarks the Alex is too fast(as it was intended for Newtypes like Amuro). There's side by side comparison of the scene but I can't be bothered posting it here.

There were some small speculation Shiiko was actually Emma Sheen. Initially, I thought she was going to be Mirai since in this timeline she went ahead with her arranged marriage to the dork guy. She seems to essentially just be this universe's version of Amuro, except she surpasses even Amuro in kill count, presumably, by MS kills alone. Amuro destroyed just as much but there were points where he wasn't destroying them with the Gundam in the TV series.

Also unlike Amuro, she actually got to live a peaceful life and raise a family only to throw it all away for obsession. It certainly highlights even Newtypes cannot escape the cycle of violence. It would've been nice for her to remain a permanent character, but, well... now shes just a hamburger(actually, Victory Gundam depicts you get evaporated into nothingless as showcased by the scantly clad Zanscare women who were foolish enough to follow orders to fight the most racked-up killcount of all the Gundam protagonists(Uso). That scene still haunts me to this day. Victory Gundam was just completely grim.

We've seen characters in the past scream out their lovers name as they die or have photographs of their kids and wife in their cockpit, but Shiiko's backstory is more tragic and takes the cake for miseryporn.

Also, this is NOT my Gelgoog. I want whatever premium zaza these Zeonic guys are huffing so it can be thoughbeit.

Still, it comes back to my previous case the point of divergence was undersold and nothing particularly changed for Zeon, except they won and they're broke. It's odd, since M'Quave says that after Odessa he managed to secure enough resources to last Zeon for a long time. It's strange to me the Earth front in this timeline was really just that bad for Zeon, and it baffles me how or why(again going back to my previous point there is, in my belief, too many Gundams running around on Earth a la 08th MS Team). It just makes me wonder if we will see Gundam Alex, or the GP Gundam units eventually. I don't believe for a second Amuro's dad is just idle these last 4-5 years. Again, where is Bask Om and Hymen? At least we're getting two of the three Tri-Stars. I wonder if we'll see Saya or boomer Ramba Ral on Earth complaining about whipper snappe zeon pilots are lousy these days. Maybe they're still fighting a guerilla war in SE Asia or even Africa?

Boy, Machu is going to be supremely disappointed Earth kinda just fucking sucks, and her hopes of escaping the war will simply follow her there. 

You motherfuckers. It has to be Lala Sune, there cannot be any other way. Or maybe she's orchestrating things behind the scenes to get grandpa gundam-char to her(CCA Char: 'Lala could've been a mother to me! Also Char: I don't want to be a father to her(Gyunei).' It reminds me of Unicorn when ghost amuro/lala/char chilling and talking about full frontal. Honestly, it wouldn't shock me if Amuro met up with Lala Sune (isn't she in Brazil in Origin? I mean, Origin is technically regarded as a retcon (A)UC timeline itself, but...)

Be as it may, Sunrise/Bamco probably wants nothing to do with Amuro's VA who got involved in a scandal some time ago. It wouldn't surprise me if Shiiko was suppose to be a stand-in for Amuro in more than one way, but I'm just theorycrafting in any case. It definitely strikes me as odd Amuro is... just... utterly gone. Amuro was, according to Char and Lala a very dangerous newtype and the Federation knew this hence him netflixing and chilling all through the Gundam ovas and Stardust of all things. Newtypes are scary and dangerous tools and it's nice that this show is showing off the fantastical side of Newtypes. Back in 2014 when I was binging all the UC gundams(+Turn) I didn't think too highly of Newtypes, but now I think they're cool.

I guess we'll see soon. So next is Kowloon. Not much to yap about this one; the relevation about gholasclones was surprising to say the least.

Or maybe it's going into Blade Runner territory about what makes you human. It's interesting and the twist at the end of the episode was not something I saw coming. There's more to this show than meets the eye and I'm intrigued.

Next, Wind Breaker. Episode 4 felt more or less a crash-course for the protag to learn to accept help from others who care about him and stuff. Blah blah shonen kiddy show, whatever. It's still fun. It's kind of funny to say it felt a little relatable. I often push people away or unfriend people in VRC and sometimes these people complain to my bf about this and it's difficult for people to understand we each have our agencies. I don't even understand myself half the time. People seem to think when I unadd them it's something personal. More often than not, I'm doing sweeps of people I... just... don't interact at all with. I like to treat my friends list as a friends list. If I neve see you, then what's the point?

So I'm trying to open up more, visit people more often. Step outside my comically and incredibly exaggerated shell. But to quote a friend, "but going outside the shell is scary—birds can eat you."

We didn't get the chance to watch any of our backlog, much less Zeta. That's about it for anime.

I made good progress on the skeleton draft for A Game of Cosmic Titans. I pushed past the legally distinct NotFPA invading the NotEmpire and the culmination of the legally distinct battle of NotAmritsar and moving into somewhat uncharted territory of the legally distinct Not FPA Civil war. It's tough, but I'm pleased I managed to make it... legally distinct and not a clear ripoff at all. Where does inspiration end and plagiarism start, I wonder?

Also, today at work (probably because of the herbal simtulant I took before work) I was able to breeze through some tasks and take a crack at writing the outline for Flashpoint Zeta. Actually, I am about done with it; a paragraph or two and then I can put it on hold to finish AGOCT's skeleton draft. Or I might just go ahead and write FZ's first draft. It likely won't be a long story and I don't see it being more than 20k words. Flashpoint Zeta may not even retain the working title. I was thinking of re-utilizing the title The Final Waltz instead since it felt more fitting and inline with it being a formal spiritual success to Saga of the Cosmic Heroes. I was also toying with titling it as 'The Yellow Typhoon' or 'Golden Typhoon' as there is already a thriller novel from the 1920s called that. In this case it's the eponymous name of the mech/pilot. Funny enough, there is also a book from the 70s called A Game of Titans.

As to how I will publish it(Final Waltz), I have not the slightest idea; it is tempting to just throw it on Kindle Unlimited(which I will do with AGOCT), or on Royal Road as a full completed work(that is to say a one and done short story). I'll think about it when I get there.

To be honest, I may just revamp my creative writing page. And by revamp, I mean purge. None if it, not even Cosmic Saga represents what I'm capable of aside from the Zeta entries and those were most unfortunate tainted by feeding it to AI.

'kay, ciao. So long gay bowser. Thanks for reading.